Wayside Cross



Excerpts from Wayside Cross

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You think you know everything about me, but you don’t. The photograph that got the award, the woman cradling her boy. The bullet hole in his temple. The bullet hitting the wall beside her head. You know I had to crawl close to get it. You know I didn’t want to angle up, I wanted the lens level on her face. I turned my back to the sniper and got on my knees. A bullet went by neck, hit the wall and the shock of it made me push the button. You’ve heard the story before.

What I never told you was, as I crawled back on my belly behind the stone wall toward the car, I knew what I had. The war was there on my film. I knew what I had in my hands and I was thrilled about it. I knew it was the cover.

“HIS FATHER’S FAMOUS EYE” from “WAYSIDE CROSS” performed by Robert F Ryan

I know you’re leaving me, Harlan. I expected you to be gone when I got home from work. Then I saw your truck outside and then the bottle of Spanish wine on the kitchen counter and I knew what you were doing. I get to be next to you, with my leg over your legs, you sleeping deep from the wine. It was nice, Harlan. I’m glad you cared that much, but it’s still goodbye, you know?

I knew you would go someday. I don’t say anything, Harlan, but I notice things. You never unpacked your shaving kit. You kept clothes in your backpack in the closet. Clothes in a bag in your truck. You were always ready to leave.

“IN HIM” from “WAYSIDE CROSS” performed by Sydney Rhoads

She rode the bus when she didn’t have money for gas or the car was broke. She sat there and I talked to her. I think I knew. But you can’t grab a kid and drag her into another life. Tell her you got a spare room in your house, give her a chance to start over. Tell her you raised a son to full grown, you’re wife is gone, and you want to help her. She could live there, come and go as she wants. Get away from Ward Road. You can’t do that. Can’t even talk about it without getting in trouble. Get fired. Get your name in the newspaper. I thought of giving her money, but money causes problems. I could lose my job for that too. When you’re an old man living by yourself, you have to watch out. People think you’re harmful.

I think other people knew. I think the old woman puts the cross there because she saw it coming. Has to put stuff on the side of the highway. Make herself feel better.

“DRIVERS” from “WAYSIDE CROSS” performed by Warren Boege

I found Mom’s letters, Ray. I was cleaning out her house and I found them. Love notes from that man in Trenton asking her to come visit. He wrote about you. I know you drove her to Trenton to see him. You drank with her and you knew it could put her in a diabetic coma. You didn’t care. You drove her to Trenton and you partied with them. Everyone in the family is trying to save her life and you’re driving her to get drunk.

See how it happens. She starts drinking again and drives her car to Trenton and goes off the road. Would it seem wrong that someone would blame you? Wouldn’t it make sense that you’re the one caused this to happen?

“THE GOOD DAUGHTER” from “WAYSIDE CROSS” performed by Jenna L Burcalow

She changed. She stopped driving her car, asked me to drive her where she needed to go. I took her to the market, ran errands with her, and worked on her house. She paid me, but something was going wrong. Bonnie started talking to me like we’re boyfriend and girlfriend, which we’re not. I never did any of that with her. And she’s spending too much money. Spending her life savings, she said, because she wanted to make the house like your house. I did what she asked. I built a picket fence around the front, painted the house white. She bought furniture and I put it together. Like making a doll house. Moving stuff around and arranging things.

You probably hate me. I was with her every day, took her money and did nothing to help her. I know what you think of me. I can see it on your face. But hold off, really, it’s worse than you think.

“AMONG THE DEAD” from “WAYSIDE CROSS” performed by Dan Domench

He was looking down at the ground like he does. He’s not one of those boys calls attention to himself. I touched his shoulder to get him to look up at me and he winced. I pulled the neck of his T-shirt and looked down his back.

He said he crashed his four-wheeler into a Hawthorne tree. But I knew it was belt marks and buckle cuts. I bought him shoes and she got her revenge.

I went to Mr. Ashbury and he said, this is what happens, you know that family, it will only get worse. He had to report it to the state, it’s the law. But he reported it in a way so nothing would happen. He told me to stay away from Rollie.

“GIRL AT THE DINER PROPHESIES” from “WAYSIDE CROSS” performed by Christina Mattola

I should let the County bulldoze the house. Get it over with. My wife inherited it from her mother. My wife was killed, that’s how I got it. Used to be fields back there but the quarry took them. They love quarries round here. People like to dig up their land. Sell the gravel off. It took ten million years to get six inches of top soil on this grit.

You walk straight back and there’s a forty foot drop. All the houses around the quarry are like that. They take the gravel to your property line. They took the land behind the Trasker graveyard, left six feet between the hole and the coffins. Sooner or later, after a rain like this, coffins are gonna stick out. They won’t be able to fix it.

“CONDEMNED” from “WAYSIDE CROSS” performed by Mark Sietz

I went fishing with Libby a couple times, baiting lines and pulling. You deck sharks, they’re drowned mostly, but sooner or later you get a fresh one. You smash its head in with a baseball bat and it’ll still rip you up. I saw a four footer get hold of Libby’s foot, shred his boot, ‘bout tore it off at the ankle. Gets your heart going landing a live one.

Lean back, Harlan. On this boat, you’re my guest. We’ll have you to the island in no time. You won’t have to hang ‘til closing time in High Tide, sleep in your truck waiting for the morning ferry. You caught a ride, you lucky guy.

“HIS PASSION” from “WAYSIDE CROSS” performed by Joe Swenson

James was under pressure. He didn’t tell you this part. He never does. The state was suing him, saying he made a mistake that cost them money. It was in the newspaper. He was embarrassed about it. Avoiding people. I wanted to start a family, but James said no, we shouldn’t have children until this was taken care of. There was nothing I could do to make him feel better. I tried, believe me.

I know swimming with Rob was wrong. It was a terrible thing to do and still, it was the most happy, and unhappy, hour of my life. Moving with Rob in the warm water, wrapping my arms around him, my skin never felt like that before. The moon was low in the sky, it made a splash of light that moved across the water toward us. Our bodies swimming in the sky with the moon.

“ELECTRIC LIGHT” from “WAYSIDE CROSS” performed by Siiri Soucy

My mom jabs her knuckle on a name in the book like she’s knocking on a door. That’s how you know she’s feeling good, the knuckle on the book gets loud. She pours liquor in her mug and stirs the sugar in, pours in hot water.

She’ll call out my name when she’s going good, but I don’t answer. I have places to hide. My best one’s in the mud room. It’s a shack my Uncle built around the back door, up against the back of the house, has its own door to the outside.

I make a place in there when I stack firewood. I’m past the boots and hanging coveralls, in the corner where my Uncle keeps his thirty ought six. He lets me shoot the rifle sometimes, at the coyotes barking around the chicken barn. It’s not kept loaded. The bullets are in his sock drawer in his room.

“SCARECROW” from “WAYSIDE CROSS” performed by Larkin Jay

I was translating him. Looking through him to find the lesson. How could he love the world so much without trying? I wanted to be him. I wanted to belong in the world.

I loved watching him work in my yard. I watched from the window, hiding myself in the curtain. He talked to himself as he measured things, kept lists of numbers in his shirt pocket.

I wanted to learn how to live like him. He was my last hope.

He saw me walk in the bar and he got quiet and awkward. He thought I wanted something from him. I did, but not what he thought. I know it was wrong of me. Watching someone like I watched him is a sin. I know it’s not right. It’s stealing.

“SMOKING AND CRYING” from “WAYSIDE CROSS” performed by Kristin Burkholder

I couldn’t do it. He kissed me goodbye and jumped. I saw him disappear into the black and I heard the water take him in. It got quiet. He was waiting for me down there.

I stood on the diving board for a long time, trying to get the nerve to jump. Every breath made the board bend and shake.

I turned and crawled on my hands and knees back to the ladder. I climbed down calling for him. I could hear him in the water. I wanted his arms around me. I wanted him to hold me. I decided to follow that man for the rest of my life, stay one step behind him.

“MY FAULT” from “WAYSIDE CROSS” performed by Anna P. Skinner

Missy arranged for me to get a day pass, told them she was taking me to a training. What she did was have a party at her apartment so her friends could meet me. Guys wearing sweaters and hiking boots, drinking beers out of bottles. Women walking around bare foot with their painted toe nails showing. I kept my mouth shut and listened to them talk. It was like a foreign language, but I thought I could learn it. I got the idea that I could find a boat to work, go fishing again, buy a car. Get my own routine going.

After the party, Missy was driving me back to the halfway house in her convertible. She was kissing me and fooling around. I asked if she ever thought about marrying someone. She didn’t answer. I never should’ve said it. Couple days later, she’s sleeping with another guy, a convict from the house, worked the shelter day shift. She didn’t think it was a good idea I run into this guy in the hallway, so she got me fired. One afternoon she’s sleeping with me, we’re having a good time. Next day, she’s with someone else and I’m fired, facing ten more possible. I don’t guess that’s in your report.

You’re saying she lied.

“BEAUTIFUL ANIMAL” from “WAYSIDE CROSS” performed by Ben Williams and Rush Denoyer

I asked Dr. Strout to change your meds. You’re in so much pain. But you keep holding on, Mr. Ashton. I know why. I know what you’re waiting for. I’m waiting too.

When I add this syringe to your IV, you won’t hurt as much. Maybe you’ll sleep. The Doctor wants to make you comfortable. Everyone here wants you comfortable.

I don’t know who told you about Harlan. I don’t know what they said. You always find out things, Mr. Ashton. Someone from the island feels it’s their duty to tell you.

“DEVOTIONS” from “WAYSIDE CROSS” performed by Sydney Rhoads